"He is jealous for me

loves like a hurricane, i am a tree,

bending beneath the weight of

his wind and mercy.

When all of a sudden

I am unaware of these afflictions

eclipsed by glory

And I realize just how beautiful you are,

And how great your affections are for me.

If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.

So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,

And my heart turns violently inside of my chest

I don't have time to maintain these regrets

When I think about the way He loves us."

the whole world is moving, and i am standing still.

i want the mountains and the ocean.

i want silence.

i want answers.

Love is here.

it's all so close and so far away, in the palm of my hand and slipping through my fingers and just beyond my grasp...

i just realized that i miss myself. it's time for a sabbatical. i am going to be in prayer about what that will entail. 

"Come to the treasure, you who search, and you'll search no more.

Come to the lover you who want and you'll want no more.

And all you who labor in vain and to the broken and shamed,

Love is here

Love is now

Love is pouring from his hands, from his brows

Love is near, it satisfies.

Streams of mercy flowing from his side

And to the bruised and fallen,

Captives, bound, and broken-hearted.

He is the Lord.

He is the Lord."

i feel a little lost today...

...so lost that i don't feel like using caps AT ALL (haha irony). i'm struggling to use puncuation. & by lost i mean i feel purpose-less and dysfunctional and totally non-productive, hence me typing a blog (confession: i periodically forget that i even have one & then suddenly remember it in times of desperate procrastinatio

n). speaking of lost...tonight is LOST's 100th episode! congratulations guys! i'm sorry i can't be there to partake, but i've actually lost count at this point of 

how many episodes i've missed this season. oops. 

so they just changed the music at portland brew from radiohead to some country rockabilly crap. ew. i was really feelin the radiohead. thanks portland brew people. 

i got a twitter account and love it. love it. love it. you don't have a twitter account, you say? well i say in response that you should either go live with the amish or catch up to the times. (confession: i didn't jump on the twitter bandwagon until a week ago.)

my grandmother got a facebook.

i rode my bike today and almost DIED. no a car didn't hit me and i didn't crash into a trash can or mailbox. i'm just THAT out of shape. neato.

i want to get donuts and coffee or a taco or burger and fries with lorelai and rory. they are my heroes right now. 

besides one melissa carter who is traveling the country for The Rescue. these people are so amazing for their passion and dedication. 

we have a dog, temporarily (or maybe forever...*fingers crossed*) until it's owner claims it. we've named her lucy for today, although her name is still a hot topic to be debated further. i'll let you know...

welp. it's movie-renting time. (someone PLEASE remind me to stop spending money at blockbuster and various coffee shops)

peace out, homies.

PS--if anyone wants to buy me a bonnaroo ticket, let me know! the closer june 11 comes, the sadder inside i get that i will not be attending. t

his photo captures what i'm missing out on (minus the drugs, of course) 

ohhh sigur ros...

i love them for this. it's sigur ros's drummer orri and his wife lukka. 

i don't feel like typing what they're doing so if you're interested go read about it here: sigur-ros.co.uk

and some quotes that may or may not have anything to do with each other or anything relevant to my life except that they intrigue me and/or make me laugh...

"whatever you do don't tell the maid. they tell their children and then their children grow up and rob you."

"oh what's that lucy? a football for me to kick?"

"but let the mind beware that though the flesh be bugged, the circumstances of existence are pretty glorious."

"if you're going to run, then run like hell."

"i'm a happy freakin computer"

note to self: listen to fanfarlo

look at jan saudek's photographs

buy the riceboy sleeps album (jul 20th!)

watch amelie and good will hunting

get a membership at the public library

until next time, stay classy nashville. over & out. 

it's heeeeeere

No blog post could ever, ever be worthy of my excitement. I have successfully purchased 3 tickets to a screening of "How To Be" at the Nashville Film Festival for me and my filmmaking buddies! What the crap? I'm seriously bursting at the seams to see this movie and now I'm going to! Just had to share. Now I've got to come up with some seriously legit questions to ask the director and actors who will also be in attendance. EEK! I CANNOT wait.

I LOVE EWE

I love making movies. I am convinced that it's what I'm supposed to do with my life.  What specific area I will be making money in, that I do not know (and hope and pray that it is a specific area that brings in a lot of income...teehee). BUT that's the fun part right now. Not being funded whatsoever and having to do every little bit of a project with a handful of people is exhilarating and I would not trade this experience for the world (or for an expensive film school for that matter).  I LOVE it. I want to make films every single day. I have withdrawals every day that I don't work on something.  It even makes me want to quit school for good and go for it (but not in the "i'm packing my life in my car moving to LA to become FAMOUS" kind of thing). I think I'll stay right here in Nashville.  There are some good people here who are aching to do the same things I am.  That is so incredibly exciting to me. Thinking about making movies makes me feel like a kid at Christmastime. 

That being said, I'm not sure why I haven't properly advertised this on my personal blog.  Probably because we already have a million websites which are seen only by maybe 3 pairs of eyes at most. However, for the off chance someone else reads my blog, go check these out for realz...

http://vimeo.com/loveewefilms

loveewefilms.wordpress.com

twitter.com/loveewefilms

I'm proud of my buds and I for actually making a freaking short film and for continuing to write even though we are often sorely tempted to wear snuggies (see below) and watch summer heights high instead. It's all part of the process though, I suppose. 

Our quiet dwelling place...

If you like reading the Bible, you should go read Psalm 90 & 91. I find it extremely encouraging in my life right now.  If you don't like reading the Bible, you should probably give it a try.  If you like smoking cigarettes and eating chocolate, read the Bible while smoking a cigarette and eating a chocolate bar. I love that I have finally discovered that the Bible is not a salad thing. It's a dessert and cigarette thing. If you've read Blue Like Jazz, that'll make a lot more sense. ANYWAY.

Some food for thought... I have not ever thought about this part of God's character before...

"The Israelites in the wilderness were continually exposed to change.  Whenever the pillar of cloud stopped, the tents were pitched; but the next day the morning sun arose, the trumpet sounded, the ark was in motion, and the fiery, cloudy pillar was leading the way through the narrow mountain passes, up the hillsides, or along the arid wastes of the wilderness.  They scarcely had time to rest a little before they heard the sound of 'Onward! This is not your rest; you must keep journeying onward toward Canaan!' They never stayed for long in one place.  Even wells and palm trees could not detain them.

They had an abiding home in their God; His cloudy pillar was their roof, and its flame by night their fireplace.  They must go onward from place to place, continually changing, never having time to settle or to say 'Now we are secure; we will stay in this place.' Moses says, 'Though we are always changing, Lord, you have been our dwelling-place throughout all generations."

My unmoving mansion of rest is my blessed Lord.  Even when prospects are few and hopes are squashed and joy is waning, I have lost nothing of what I have in God.  He is "my refuge" to which I continually return.  I am a pilgrim in the world, but at home in my God.  In the earth I wander, but in God I dwell in a quiet dwelling place."

& finally. go check this out: vimeo.com/loveewefilms

only love is all maroon

"only love is all maroon

gluey feathers on a flume

sky is womb and she's the moon..."

i just discovered the glory that is bon iver.

it does not take me long to know i love music, ya know what i mean?

i literally bought the album on itunes with a leftover christmas giftcard a mere 5 minutes ago.

and the lyrics above are from the very first song. can't wait to hear the rest of the album.

so january came and went and life is still unclear and it's all still making me feel so far from home. i've never felt so far from home. but i have this inner peace & joy. thank you Jesus. seriously. i would not be surviving if it weren't for the mustard seed of faith that i have somehow miraculously been given at this point in my life. 

i know three things for certain: there is a definite path i'm on in life and that most of it is out of my hands right now and that i have A LOT to learn. 

i feel that this part of my life journey has a lot to do with becoming broken, facing myself & starting all over, and learning about what love really is. 

currently reading: The Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac

currently listening to: For Emma, Forever Ago by Bon Iver

so excited.

the release date in the U.S. has yet to be determined, but say your prayers that it makes it. i CANNOT wait to see this film.

view trailer @ howtobemovie.com

new year.

i have a feeling 2009 is going to be an epic year.

it's only been a week since i got back to nashville, but in some ways i feel like it's been way longer. i've been learning a lot about myself & about the "box" that we all build around ourselves & walk around in like zombies without a clue what we're doing & without a clue how dead we are to all the life outside said "box".  I realize this is quite rambly sounding already and probably doesn't make any sense (it probably won't to me if I were to read it again with more than three hours of sleep.hah.), but there's so much going on in my mind right now & so much change happening that I couldn't possibly put it into words.  All I know is that I feel like I'm waking up. I feel like I'm alive. And I would venture to say that I have not felt this way ever. It has something to do with reality revealing itself to me all over the place. Not like I'm becoming a realist or anything. In fact, I've actually been surprised to find that my optimism about life has remained intact & has even become stronger.  

I have no clue what's in store.  I feel like I'm constantly stepping into unknown territory now, due to a few catalysts that entered my life at the end of 08.  This is utterly terrifying and utterly liberating all at once. Like I said, even after just 14 days of the new year, I feel like 2009 is going to be epic. I used to hate the unknown, but now i'm learning to love and embrace it.

here's to the great adventure that is life!

happy new year.